Every minute of the day is
RealizationsNothing feels the same anymore.
Nothing will ever be the same.
I'm losing people I never thought I'd lose
Life is taking them away
Life is taking them on a road that's far from my own
And life is putting up more than just silly wooden barricades like you see in those video games to keep me away.
SometimesI’m afraid to sleep sometimes.
The thoughts of “what if I don’t wake up this time” cloud my head sometimes.
Not that the world would stop, if I didn’t wake up.
Everything would keep going as usual, time would be undisturbed.
Writer's BlockI have stumbled upon a barricade
“Stumbled upon” is too elegant of a phrase to use here though, I’ve decided
More like I ran right into it
With my face mushed up against a window
And I’m looking through
My hands are around my face; attempts to prevent glare from violating my vision
I’m looking through but I cannot see
It’s like someone turned out the lights on the other side
Like someone pulled down the blinds
I have sat down with my back to this door
For I have temporarily given up to rest my sight
I have gone blind it seems
My strength is slowly but surely fading away
And I lose my balance…
My back hits the door && I fall through.
RegretSo many things
I have left unsaid
For the clock cannot bypass the flow of time
It cannot simply change its course
I regret .
SchizophreniaI feel like not myself
Is someone there, inside me as well?
These thoughts, I struggle with them, the thoughts of dark, deadly things inside my head
I feel like something else, not myself
I can hear its whispering inside my ears
These voices, I struggle with them, the words of anger and hatred demanding, commanding, controlling
Are you real or are you just in my head?
DownfallI think about all the breaking hearts sometimes
Just about how easy it is now
How attached we get in such little time, is our downfall.
I Am WithoutI feel…
No I don’t
I don’t feel anything
I’m vaguely aware of the throbbing of my head, yet the pain does not bleed through
It’s just a minor inconvenience when I decide to stand, dizziness temporarily taking over me
Depending on my reaction time I may fall to my knees or I may lean against the wall
I’m vaguely aware of the feeling of millions of needles sticking into my knee
They pierce the skin and deep down into my bone, tickling my nerves and causing something that I would previously referred to as pain
But I don’t know anymore, if it is pain or not
What is this “pain”?
I fall to my knees this time as I realize I’m living while being the very thing I fear
Numb, I am numb
I am without pain.
No TimeI envy those who can travel far and wide
Or at least live in more interesting places than mine
How I wish I could take to the sky and find the sunsets and the crystal waters that are mine in my mind
I find myself daydreaming in class about what it would be like to be not here and somewhere far, far away
Yet reality comes snapping back into place, with a slap across the face with cold air
With a piercing pain to my eardrums with a shriek of how I should pay attention to the lecture
And I am reminded that I don’t have time for such silly things that could make me the happiest I’ve ever been
Neither time nor money, to pursue my dreams
I know it’s silly to envy those who have those things but I mean no ill will by it, trust me.
Sooner Than LaterI hear little footsteps
To my side
In the leaves
I strain my eyes
But sooner than later, find nothing.
To Be One Or The OtherSome days I’d like to be the wanderer
Searching far and wide, high and low, thick and thin for answers yet to be discovered
&& if not answers, at least a different take on things, for thinking of things in the same way each day is rather tiring
My soul is wary as is my brain, hearing the same dull things day by day, nothing new happening my way
I would like to escape!
Yes, I mean it in the literal sense; take that phrase literally not figuratively
Yet some days I don’t mind to be the wonderer
Sipping on some hot chocolate and just pondering the things I’ve yet to discover
Some days my body is not well enough to escape the restraints of this society and seek something new!
Some days the ball and chain are too heavy for me to lift, much less drag behind me
My soul is wary still, as is my brain but what can I do if my brain fails to send correct signals to my legs?
What can I do if I’m not well enough to gather up my skirts and petticoats enough to escape out the w
All Systems are Shutting DownI shut down
Kicking everyone out
I sit alone inside myself, while other pieces of me close the gates around my heart
And lock the door to my brain
I refuse to let anyone in; I pretend I’m not home
“Please leave your message after the beep…”
“Where are you?”
I don’t know.
“Are you okay?”
I don’t know.
“When are you gonna let me in?”
I don’t know.
My Wildest DreamsI want to travel to places I’ve never been yet seen thousands of times through photographs and books. I want to meditate in a Buddhist temple for a few weeks. I want to see the ruins of past cities, I want to study them. I want to learn the ancient languages that have been almost completely forgotten. A friend said I could put money into my retirement fund but with the way things are going now by the time I could retire I might be dead. I told my mother I want to go to Africa. She looked at me like I had lost my mind. “It’s dangerous!” Really? Is that all she thought of? There’s so much more than the danger lurking there… the beauty, the culture, I want to see it and experience it. I want to take my camera with me on this journey around the world. I’d love to see the remains of the rainforest before they are wiped out completely! I want to climb the highest mountains and see the great beauties of the land below me from such a height. I want to
DepressionThe depression is like tar that has seeped into my veins
Clogging all my arteries and leaving me here to decay
My fingers can barely move to type or write now and that only adds to my overall condition
The human condition that is common, depression(1)
1. A mood disorder in which feelings of sadness, loss, anger, or frustration interfere with everyday life for weeks or longer.
&& it makes me feel so very pathetic because I can’t seem to move myself towards the light much anymore.
BogeymanDo you hear the creaking in the hallway?
The sound of heavy foot falls on old floorboards
Hiding under your bed won’t help, child
Nor will locking your door
You’ve been a bad child; he’s coming to get you
If only you had been good
He’ll stuff you in a sack and carry you away
He’s hiding under your bed, sweetie; you better go to sleep
I could have protected you if you were good
Why didn’t you just take your pills?
The bogeyman is coming, yes the bogeyman’s coming
You best swallow your pills and lay your head down, sweet baby; before he takes you away.
I Fancy Myself A PoetI fancy myself a poet but
am really unimpressed by what
in honesty I simply string together
my thoughts one after another
or nonsensical they may be
(they make some sort of sense to me)
place them on a page and say
(as blind as I was yesterday)
Broken PromisesYou broke a promise
and left me with the shards
-the leftover pieces of what was-
they cut me
and left scars
upon me, scars
and in the aftermath
the leftover pieces of what was
can't be put back
there's no glue
permanent or strong enough
to repair this mess
and all because
you broke a promise
and left me with the shards.
Passion UnboundPassion is chaos
a lovely yet dangerous sort
reality bends to accommodate
the impressive force
of deep knowledge
barely held in
and every so often
it bursts into flame becomes something else
a miracle, or a curse you'd never dreamed of.
Passion is chaos
a lovely yet dangerous sort.
In The MiddleIt's so much easier to find acceptance here,
I don't have to worry about so much scrutiny,
simply take a deep breath and be myself.
I feel warm, comfortable and safe here in the middle,
whereas being placed in front or back (or to either side)
would present me with some difficulty
push me from the little microcosm I've made for myself
a certain percentage of everyone.
When... But...When I was younger, we held hands and we had fun,
But now that I'm older, I see you and that's all gone.
When I was younger, I got hurt and you were there,
But now that I'm older, you're not there to pick me up.
When we were younger, we had our fun, we were friends,
When we were younger, I knew you and you knew me,
But now we're older, you're just one of those faces,
And now that we're older, we have drifted apart.
When I was younger, I looked to you and saw it all,
But now that I'm older, I'm just a broken record.
You're such a preety thing, and I'm not your lover,
Please don't forget, I remember those times together...
Once Upon A TimeOnce
an enchanted forest stood
in a land of magic and wonder,
and within this land lived bravery and truth
evil and cowardice
hope and happiness
hatred and despair,
but most importantly there was an element that could change any game
turn the tables of any battle
and that was
What?What if I fell to the floor?
Couldn't take this anymore?
Bottled this up for so long,
That I can no longer be strong.
I'm being buried six feet under!
By these lies that tear me asunder,
They're killing me, ripping me apart,
What if I break? And have to restart?
I'm weak at the seams,
I'm brought almost to tears,
My knees buckle and I fall down,
When I fall, will you hear the sound?
Every Single FootstepIt wasn't right
the release I felt
as I saw you go
but I needed to see
away from me
the final thing I had to do
was let go
so I let my silhouette
peek at you
through the second story window
fading, silent shadows hung from me
as I watched you leave.
Silent BladeRevenge, so clearly now, is
a pleasing shade of red.
I remove my hand
cloak my head
under gathering darkness.
I watched your downward fall
and now turn my face,
heart beating fast
I stride away,
not touched at all.
Your eyes told many secrets,
I knew them well.
written as you fell
into fathomless depths.
There will be no funeral
nor eternal rest
for this cold
Time's belabored guest
to linger always after all.