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RealizationsNothing feels the same anymore.
Nothing will ever be the same.
I'm losing people I never thought I'd lose
Life is taking them away
Life is taking them on a road that's far from my own
And life is putting up more than just silly wooden barricades like you see in those video games to keep me away.
SometimesI’m afraid to sleep sometimes.
The thoughts of “what if I don’t wake up this time” cloud my head sometimes.
Not that the world would stop, if I didn’t wake up.
Everything would keep going as usual, time would be undisturbed.
Writer's BlockI have stumbled upon a barricade
“Stumbled upon” is too elegant of a phrase to use here though, I’ve decided
More like I ran right into it
With my face mushed up against a window
And I’m looking through
My hands are around my face; attempts to prevent glare from violating my vision
I’m looking through but I cannot see
It’s like someone turned out the lights on the other side
Like someone pulled down the blinds
I have sat down with my back to this door
For I have temporarily given up to rest my sight
I have gone blind it seems
My strength is slowly but surely fading away
And I lose my balance…
My back hits the door && I fall through.
RegretSo many things
I have left unsaid
For the clock cannot bypass the flow of time
It cannot simply change its course
I regret .
DownfallI think about all the breaking hearts sometimes
Just about how easy it is now
How attached we get in such little time, is our downfall.
SchizophreniaI feel like not myself
Is someone there, inside me as well?
These thoughts, I struggle with them, the thoughts of dark, deadly things inside my head
I feel like something else, not myself
I can hear its whispering inside my ears
These voices, I struggle with them, the words of anger and hatred demanding, commanding, controlling
Are you real or are you just in my head?
No TimeI envy those who can travel far and wide
Or at least live in more interesting places than mine
How I wish I could take to the sky and find the sunsets and the crystal waters that are mine in my mind
I find myself daydreaming in class about what it would be like to be not here and somewhere far, far away
Yet reality comes snapping back into place, with a slap across the face with cold air
With a piercing pain to my eardrums with a shriek of how I should pay attention to the lecture
And I am reminded that I don’t have time for such silly things that could make me the happiest I’ve ever been
Neither time nor money, to pursue my dreams
I know it’s silly to envy those who have those things but I mean no ill will by it, trust me.
Broken PromisesYou broke a promise
You broke it and it’s tearing at me
((At my heart))
You broke it, you broke it, you broke it
You broke a promise
And it hurts
You broke a promise
And its pieces, its jagged edges, its fragile shards; are digging into me
((Into my heart))
And it hurts
Too many pieces
They’re too tiny
I don’t know where to begin
And when I try, it digs into me
Into my fingers, leaving nothing but scars
And it hurts .
I Am WithoutI feel…
No I don’t
I don’t feel anything
I’m vaguely aware of the throbbing of my head, yet the pain does not bleed through
It’s just a minor inconvenience when I decide to stand, dizziness temporarily taking over me
Depending on my reaction time I may fall to my knees or I may lean against the wall
I’m vaguely aware of the feeling of millions of needles sticking into my knee
They pierce the skin and deep down into my bone, tickling my nerves and causing something that I would previously referred to as pain
But I don’t know anymore, if it is pain or not
What is this “pain”?
I fall to my knees this time as I realize I’m living while being the very thing I fear
Numb, I am numb
I am without pain.
Broken PromisesYou broke a promise
and left me with the shards
-the leftover pieces of what was-
they cut me
and left scars
upon me, scars
and in the aftermath
the leftover pieces of what was
can't be put back
there's no glue
permanent or strong enough
to repair this mess
and all because
you broke a promise
and left me with the shards.
I Fancy Myself A PoetI fancy myself a poet but
am really unimpressed by what
in honesty I simply string together
my thoughts one after another
or nonsensical they may be
(they make some sort of sense to me)
place them on a page and say
(as blind as I was yesterday)
In The MiddleIt's so much easier to find acceptance here,
I don't have to worry about so much scrutiny,
simply take a deep breath and be myself.
I feel warm, comfortable and safe here in the middle,
whereas being placed in front or back (or to either side)
would present me with some difficulty
push me from the little microcosm I've made for myself
a certain percentage of everyone.
When... But...When I was younger, we held hands and we had fun,
But now that I'm older, I see you and that's all gone.
When I was younger, I got hurt and you were there,
But now that I'm older, you're not there to pick me up.
When we were younger, we had our fun, we were friends,
When we were younger, I knew you and you knew me,
But now we're older, you're just one of those faces,
And now that we're older, we have drifted apart.
When I was younger, I looked to you and saw it all,
But now that I'm older, I'm just a broken record.
You're such a preety thing, and I'm not your lover,
Please don't forget, I remember those times together...
Passion UnboundPassion is chaos
a lovely yet dangerous sort
reality bends to accommodate
the impressive force
of deep knowledge
barely held in
and every so often
it bursts into flame becomes something else
a miracle, or a curse you'd never dreamed of.
Passion is chaos
a lovely yet dangerous sort.
Once Upon A TimeOnce
an enchanted forest stood
in a land of magic and wonder,
and within this land lived bravery and truth
evil and cowardice
hope and happiness
hatred and despair,
but most importantly there was an element that could change any game
turn the tables of any battle
and that was
And The Despair Starts To SingCan you fix what's broken?
Can you light the dark?
Can you fill the empty?
Can you cheer the sorrow?
The deeper I go, the darker it gets...
The darker it gets, the lower I sink...
The lower I sink, the louder they claw at the gates...
The louder they claw... I know my demons have me...
"Let us in! Let us in!"
What?What if I fell to the floor?
Couldn't take this anymore?
Bottled this up for so long,
That I can no longer be strong.
I'm being buried six feet under!
By these lies that tear me asunder,
They're killing me, ripping me apart,
What if I break? And have to restart?
I'm weak at the seams,
I'm brought almost to tears,
My knees buckle and I fall down,
When I fall, will you hear the sound?
Nine TimesI saw him nine times.
The first time we were both sitting in the room together, getting ready to take the math test that would determine our placement. I was scatterbrained and throwing things around, trying to find the pencils that I had known I would need but had still just tossed in my purse. He was lounging backwards in his chair, looking for all the world as though he didn’t have a single care in the world, including the upcoming test. It annoyed me, that I was frantic and ready to scream, while someone else could be that relaxed.
I tested out of the class.
I don’t know if he did.
The second time I saw him, it was a few months after I arrived on campus. He was the one rushing and frantic this time, running across the square. He was probably late for class, though I had no way of knowing for sure. I was already lost in my own thoughts and ideas, deciding on my major and convincing people that yes, this is what I really want to do with my life. If they weren
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