Early Morning MusingsI tried to extend my earsPast that of my sewing machine car engineI could smell autumn in the air todayBut I could taste no frost.
Death is No ThreatSomewhere in time I swear we brushed handsAnd it was that which led me to find you dead.
Even Though You Hated MeI made you sickI remember you’d tell me at least two and a half times a dayOne in the morning through textIn the middle of the day on our game- but you couldn’t stay concentrated long enough At night when we’d speak over the phoneYou really knew how to make me feel like shitAnd in the end I had no one left simply because I kept going back to youAnd they never knew how hard it is to walk away from an abuser, because in the endMy abuser was all I had left.
As The LoverYou whisperBeautiful lies into my bloodshot, swollen eyesAs you dab the blood off my flesh, where it had been running down my neck.
when the day is done i'll be goneIn my fingertips is the devilDaring me to touch what is not to be touchedAnd I care not, reaching through my own open ribcageTo touch what lies between inflating balloons that are my lungs-In my ears echo your voice,Begging me not to reverse the corruption in my heartAnd I care not, reaching between my lungs to grasp my heart with my inked fingersTo release the sigil stitched deep into the veins of my heart.
To The One Whom My Heart Belongs ToOh how I long to open my eyesTo see your beautiful face next to mineOh how I long to brush my fingertips across your cheekAgainst your jawDown your neckTo your chest-To feel your heart beating away;The heart that keeps mine willing to keep beating tooOh how I long to bring you breakfast in bed-Waffles browned to perfection,Ripened strawberries placed ontopWith a can of whipped cream on the side, yes the whole can just for youWith your favorite mug of your favorite coffee with rose petals upon the surfaceAnd I long to be the one to dab some whipped cream on your noseJust so I can be the one to kiss it offAnd oh how I long to braid your fingers together with mineAs we walk down to the market to buyMakings for dinner and dessert,And maybe some wine?“But of course” I imagine you’d sayOh how I long to be the one who brightens up your dayWho gets to see your luscious lips turned up at the cornersAnd oh how I long to be the one withPermission to kiss t
I'd Rather Be DeadYou're always asking me if I had anything worth dying for.I'll pose the opposite to you and ask you this:"Why is it that you find life to be worth living?"Is it so interesting to go through each day feeling anxious?To the point that you feel nauseated enough to collapse.Is it so joyous to spend each night staring at a blank ceiling,Hearing the clock tick on toward morning,And yet you lie awake.Tired, but awake, emotionless, but awake...Do you truly get up each day, facing it with optimism.Or do you look at the news and the state of the world,And genuinely fear for your safety?Now, if it were me that you had asked my dear,I'd tell you quite honestly: That I'd rather be dead.At least I would not have to hear the white lie inside my head.That tomorrow will bring me a 'better' day...But of course, you are welcome to believe that.
Stripping MeYou may take what you want from me,Be it my pride or dignity.You may throw insults at me,And burn the shredded pieces of my sanity.You may belittle me, as much as you want,If only to make your meager life worth living.---But even if you do all that...---No one will protect you when I pull you into the dark.No one will try to search for you, as my leather ropes tie you down.No one will hear your screams as metallic screws drive into your face,Etching an eternal smile, since you'll never leave this place..."Now then, my dear sweet James, shall we play our favourite game?"
You are someone's reason to liveShe had skin like a cactus-believing shecould only hurtanyone who gottoo close,forgetting thatinside,she held whatpeople neededmost.
i'd haunt you if you'd like.my hands are paralyzed and you're waiting for me to touch your face,but that doesn't really matter because i'd rather touch your souland if you close your eyes long enough i'll read you poetry as we lay atop the monkeybarsin this old and rusted parkyou can pretend to know the constellations and point them out to me and i'll tell you they're all beautiful, but nothing compared to youif i'm lucky you'll blush and laugh at me,tell me i say the dumbest things but deep down it'll register in your soul just how much i love youand i know they say you can only save yourself, but darling i swear if you'll just have the slightest bit of faith i'll save the fuck out of you or i'll destroy myself trying,because i honestly can't think of any other purpose for my lifeor what smidge of it i've been able to hold on to.
Hopeful HeartThe sky is pitch blackAnd so is my heartAfter all the painI went throughAfter all the effortFor a lost causeSo I look upLooking for a starA ray of lightTo guide me awayAway from this darkness inside my heart
You have to know pain to....Sometimes you have to fall apart.You have to bleed out,In order to have the courage to shout.Against the darkness.You have to know what it's like,To feel disconnected,Separated.From reality.To be best friends with your anxiety,Because it's the only thing to keep you company.Because you've never felt so lonely.Even though you're surrounded in a sea of noise,Which drowns out your voice.As you choke,On society's nooseYou're afraid to cut it loose.Because you don't know what others will think of you.You have to know depression.You have to know what it's like to be alone.You have to know what it's like to be silenced.In order to appreciate breathing,And to fall in love with colors.After being blind,For all of that time.And only being able to see memories,On rewind.In order to appreciate a person's presence.And the feeling,Of content.When you finally find a friend.Who will stick with you until the end.And not judge you for your scars.But loves who you are.In
Let It BeOne of these daysThere won't be enough room forme.